Childless couple told to try sex
A German couple who went to a fertility clinic after eight years of marriage have found out why they are still childless - they weren't having sex.
The University Clinic of Lubek said they had never heard of a case like it after examining the couple who went to see them last month for fertility tests.
Doctors subjected them to a series of examinations and found they were both apparently fertile, and should have had no trouble conceiving.
A clinic spokesman said: "When we asked them how often they had had sex, they looked blank, and said: "What do you mean?".
"We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."
The 30-year-old wife and her 36-year-old husband are now being given sex therapy lessons while the university clinic undertakes a study to try to find out if there are more couples with a similar lack of sex education.
***
Turtle flies into van windshield on I-95
By Adam L. Neal staff writer
May 13, 2004
INDIAN RIVER COUNTY — Ralph Glaister was shell-shocked when a flying turtle crashed through his windshield Wednesday afternoon on Interstate 95.
"There was a loud crash. When I looked up, there was glass all over me and a turtle sitting beside me in my van," the 45-year-old Deerfield Beach resident said. "It seemed like it happened in slow motion."
Luckily, both Glaister and the cooter box turtle were not seriously injured. The turtle suffered minor cuts to its tail and back legs, but the shell was not damaged.
Glaister walked away without a scratch.
Glaister was more worried about getting immediate help for the 1-foot-long turtle than fixing his windshield after the crash.
"It is amazing (the turtle) wasn't injured," he said. "He came flying through the windshield at 70 miles per hour. Not many things can live going through a windshield like that."
He was driving to visit his girlfriend, Vero Beach resident Tracy MacLean, about 5 p.m. when the incident happened.
Glaister was heading north on I-95 just south of Indrio Road in St. Lucie County when he noticed the turtle attempting to cross the interstate.
"I saw the turtle crossing the road when it was slightly clipped by the truck in front of me, which sent it flying into the air and through my windshield," he said.
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Talk about patriotic:
http://www.takeoneforthecountry.com/
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Midnight knows what this one is: (Bullshit)
Italian cops get a Lamborghini
Varoooom!
Friday, May 14, 2004 Posted: 1:26 PM EDT (1726 GMT)
Italian police received this high performance 2-seater as a gift from Lamborghini.
ROME, Italy (AP) -- Italian drivers who like to use highways as their personal speed-tracks are about to lose the race.
Italy's state police presented a sleek new addition Friday: a Lamborghini Gallardo, with a top speed of 309 kph (192 mph).
The car is ready for service, bedecked with a siren, painted blue-and-white, and the word "POLIZIA" -- "police" -- stenciled on the side.
Police showed it off at an anniversary celebration in Rome on Friday.
They said the Lamborghini will be used on the Salerno-Reggio Calabria highway in southern Italy, for emergencies and to transport organs for transplant.
Lamborghini, which is owned by Volkswagen and based near Bologna in northern Italy, donated the car.
The six-speed, two-door luxury vehicle promises the ability to go from zero to 100 kph (60 mph) in four seconds, and has a list price of US$165,000 (euro145,180 in Europe).
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Man whose finger was found near jaguar cage at Albuquerque zoo banned for life
The finger was found near the zoo's jaguar exhibit Wednesday.
Last Update: 05/15/2004 9:28:59 AM
By: Associated Press
Video
(Albuquerque-AP) -- A frequent Albuquerque zoo visitor whose finger was found bitten off outside the jaguar exhibit has been banned from the zoo for life.
Director Ray Darnell says the man was banned because the zoo couldn’t take a chance in the future.
The man had been spotted running into a zoo bathroom Tuesday.
The finger was found the next day outside the cage of the jaguar, Manchas.
The man had a New Mexico Zoological Society pass, which enabled officials to telephone him.
Darnell says he denied missing any fingers.
But Darnell says a print lifted from the detached finger said otherwise.
He says police went to the man’s house and visually confirmed he was the right person.
The man was one of 15 or so people who visit the zoo daily.
***
eBay loser goes literally ballistic
Fri Apr 30, 5:16 PM ET Add Crimes and Trials - Court TV to My Yahoo!
By Tinoula Awopetu, Court TV
POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. (Court TV) — Gerald Newburger really doesn't like losing.
A year after getting outbid at an online auction for a collection of used band uniforms, the New Orleans native traveled to New York to confront his rival bidder with a gun.
Newburger, 44, was pretty sore over losing a 480-piece collection of second-hand matching band and dance uniforms, which he had hoped to resell for a profit. Despite his loss to Robert Malinovsky of New York, who placed the winning bid of $360, Newburger resumed bidding offline.
According to Poughkeepsie prosecutor Richard Fiorile, Newburger exchanged e-mails and phone calls with Malinovsky for several months trying to convince him to sell.
After long-distance negotiating proved unsuccessful Newburger decided to try a face-to-gun approach.
Newburger allegedly broke into Malinovsky's home and threatened his wife with a gun. Malinovsky himself was not home at the time. No one was injured during the confrontation and Malinovsky's wife called police after Newburger left sans uniforms.
Officers apprehended Newburger in a taxi 30 minutes after the incident on his way back to the train station. A handgun was found in his briefcase.
Newburger, who admits to being in the Malinvosky home, denies he ever waved a gun at anyone. He claims the gun fell out of his briefcase when he reached inside it for a piece of paper.
Newburger is charged with burglary, criminal possession of a weapon, and coercion. His trial is scheduled for May 10 and he faces a mandatory term of 5-25 years in prison if found guilty.
***
Man Seeks Revenge on SUV-Damaging Turkey
AUGUSTA, Maine (AP) -- A turkey that bloodied and dazed itself after pecking and scratching a parked SUV likely thought his own reflection was a rival turkey vying for the attention of an accompanying hen.
At least that's one of turkey hunter Michael Bitar's theories. Bitar, whose 2002 Ford Explorer suffered deep scratches on the bumper and paint, is hoping to track down and bag the bird that caused $1,500 in damage.
Bitar said the tom turkey, which was accompanied by a hen, saw his own reflection on the shiny SUV.
"When I came out, he had his claws on my gas cap," Bitar said. "I guess he figured he was fighting another turkey. But he was fighting my car."
Gene Dumont, a wildlife management supervisor for Maine's Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife, has never heard of turkeys attacking vehicles. But Bitar's theory was plausible.
"They can be aggressive, especially if it's a young tom during mating season," Dumont said.
The turkey attack happened about one week before turkey season opened in Maine May 3. Bitar now has his license to hunt turkeys for the season and is admittedly on the hunt for a sweet taste of revenge.
"My vehicle just depreciated quite a bit," Bitar said. "But that doesn't matter. He'll be in the freezer soon."
In The News III
"A clinic spokesman said: "When we asked them how often they had had sex, they looked blank, and said: "What do you mean?".
"We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate." "
umm...
"We are not talking retarded people here, but a couple who were brought up in a religious environment who were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate." "
umm...
Gamer formerly known as Acele/a.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur.
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Undead_Mercenary
- Posts: 2914
- Joined: Wed Aug 21, 2002 10:01 am
- Location: Barrie, Ontario
Moreso, would you know WHAT an "ass" is?
"Why would I kick my own donkey? I don't even have a donkey, and it is a sin to be cruel to animals! I once had to repent for nine hours non-stop when I berated a dog for innocently biting my leg off! He was so cute, frothing from the mouth, and I had the gall to wave my finger (that he ingested after chomping off) at him in a deliberate manner! How dare I!?"
Religion is a bad thing with so many literalist phanatics today. Seclusion from "evil" is worse than being involved with "evil".
"Why would I kick my own donkey? I don't even have a donkey, and it is a sin to be cruel to animals! I once had to repent for nine hours non-stop when I berated a dog for innocently biting my leg off! He was so cute, frothing from the mouth, and I had the gall to wave my finger (that he ingested after chomping off) at him in a deliberate manner! How dare I!?"
Religion is a bad thing with so many literalist phanatics today. Seclusion from "evil" is worse than being involved with "evil".
, 
ahaha
Pricey omelet costs $1,000
Monday, May 17, 2004 Posted: 7:31 PM EDT (2331 GMT)
NEW YORK (AP) -- It's not made of gold -- just eggs, lobster, caviar and a few trimmings.
But an omelet on the menu of a swanky Manhattan hotel will set you back $1,000, plus tip.
"I couldn't believe it was the price when I first saw '1,000' on the menu. I thought it was the calorie count," Virginia Marnell, a customer at Norma's restaurant in Le Parker Meridien hotel on West 57th Street, told the Daily News for Monday editions.
The omelet, which debuted May 5 and is billed as the "Zillion Dollar Frittata," has six eggs, a lobster and -- here's the kicker -- 10 ounces of sevruga caviar.
The restaurant pays $65 an ounce for the caviar, according to Norma's general manager, Steven Pipes.
"Since we knew it was going to be a very expensive dish, we decided to have some fun with it," Pipes told the News. "It's not just a gimmick, though. It tastes good."
Beside the omelet's entry in the menu is the following message: "Norma dares you to expense this."
No one has ordered it yet.
A "budget" version of the omelet, containing only one ounce of caviar, sells for $100.
Monday, May 17, 2004 Posted: 7:31 PM EDT (2331 GMT)
NEW YORK (AP) -- It's not made of gold -- just eggs, lobster, caviar and a few trimmings.
But an omelet on the menu of a swanky Manhattan hotel will set you back $1,000, plus tip.
"I couldn't believe it was the price when I first saw '1,000' on the menu. I thought it was the calorie count," Virginia Marnell, a customer at Norma's restaurant in Le Parker Meridien hotel on West 57th Street, told the Daily News for Monday editions.
The omelet, which debuted May 5 and is billed as the "Zillion Dollar Frittata," has six eggs, a lobster and -- here's the kicker -- 10 ounces of sevruga caviar.
The restaurant pays $65 an ounce for the caviar, according to Norma's general manager, Steven Pipes.
"Since we knew it was going to be a very expensive dish, we decided to have some fun with it," Pipes told the News. "It's not just a gimmick, though. It tastes good."
Beside the omelet's entry in the menu is the following message: "Norma dares you to expense this."
No one has ordered it yet.
A "budget" version of the omelet, containing only one ounce of caviar, sells for $100.
Man in petroleum jelly jam after failing to slide by police
May 17, 2004, 3:14 PM EDT
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. -- Roger Chamberlain may have thought he managed to slide by police when he switched motels.
But when he was allegedly found a short while later glimmering from head to toe in petroleum jelly, authorities believed they had their man.
Chamberlain, 44, of McClean, Va., is accused of coating nearly every available surface in his room at the Motel 6 near Binghamton with the unctuous substance.
Then, after checking out, a cleaning crew discovered the gooey mess _ one that included mattresses, bedding, a television set, furniture, carpeting and towels all slathered with petroleum jelly.
Damage to the room and its contents was estimated at more than $1,000, and once police arrived, they found 14 empty petroleum jelly containers and numerous pornographic magazines in the trash can, according to WNBF radio in Binghamton.
A short time later, a sheriff's deputy found Chamberlain in a room at another motel, his body smeared entirely in the greasy stuff, authorities said.
Chamberlain was charged with felony criminal mischief and ordered held in Broome County Jail.
Meanwhile, back at the Motel 6, the manager said Chamberlain's old room remains unusable.
May 17, 2004, 3:14 PM EDT
BINGHAMTON, N.Y. -- Roger Chamberlain may have thought he managed to slide by police when he switched motels.
But when he was allegedly found a short while later glimmering from head to toe in petroleum jelly, authorities believed they had their man.
Chamberlain, 44, of McClean, Va., is accused of coating nearly every available surface in his room at the Motel 6 near Binghamton with the unctuous substance.
Then, after checking out, a cleaning crew discovered the gooey mess _ one that included mattresses, bedding, a television set, furniture, carpeting and towels all slathered with petroleum jelly.
Damage to the room and its contents was estimated at more than $1,000, and once police arrived, they found 14 empty petroleum jelly containers and numerous pornographic magazines in the trash can, according to WNBF radio in Binghamton.
A short time later, a sheriff's deputy found Chamberlain in a room at another motel, his body smeared entirely in the greasy stuff, authorities said.
Chamberlain was charged with felony criminal mischief and ordered held in Broome County Jail.
Meanwhile, back at the Motel 6, the manager said Chamberlain's old room remains unusable.
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Archangelus
- Posts: 4286
- Joined: Mon Jun 24, 2002 9:01 pm
- Contact:
SUCKER May 17 2004
Camper van thief siphons off raw sewage instead of diesel
By Calum Macdonald
A BUNGLING thief tried to siphon diesel from a camper van but got a mouthful of raw sewage.
The would-be raider missed the fuel tank in the dark and put a tube into the van's septic tank by mistake.
And after sucking up the foul-smelling waste, he threw up on the spot and fled.
Pensioner John O'Hare found a puddle of vomit and an abandoned petrol container when he stepped out of the van in the morning.
And last night he smiled: 'I hope the thief has learned from his experience and given up his evil ways.'
John, 73, and wife May, 69 of Arden, Glasgow had spent a week touring Scotland before stopping off for the final night of their holiday in Helensburgh, Dunbartonshire.
John said: 'We made sure everything was safe and secure and settled down for the night. The following morning we were disgusted to find that under the cover of darkness a thief had attempted to siphon off diesel from the fuel tank.
'But fortunately for us, he was left with a nasty taste in his mouth.'
John found a plastic siphon tube and an empty fuel container next to their camper.
The contents of the septic tank had been drained and lay on the ground next to a pool of the thief's vomit. Also abandoned at the scene was a pile of pound coins which John believes may have been stolen from a vending machine earlier in the night.
John and May donated the abandoned pound coins to Oxfam.
John said: 'We hope this thief will give up robbing visitors and tourists seeking a peaceful and pleasant holiday after what happened to him.'
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm gross.
Camper van thief siphons off raw sewage instead of diesel
By Calum Macdonald
A BUNGLING thief tried to siphon diesel from a camper van but got a mouthful of raw sewage.
The would-be raider missed the fuel tank in the dark and put a tube into the van's septic tank by mistake.
And after sucking up the foul-smelling waste, he threw up on the spot and fled.
Pensioner John O'Hare found a puddle of vomit and an abandoned petrol container when he stepped out of the van in the morning.
And last night he smiled: 'I hope the thief has learned from his experience and given up his evil ways.'
John, 73, and wife May, 69 of Arden, Glasgow had spent a week touring Scotland before stopping off for the final night of their holiday in Helensburgh, Dunbartonshire.
John said: 'We made sure everything was safe and secure and settled down for the night. The following morning we were disgusted to find that under the cover of darkness a thief had attempted to siphon off diesel from the fuel tank.
'But fortunately for us, he was left with a nasty taste in his mouth.'
John found a plastic siphon tube and an empty fuel container next to their camper.
The contents of the septic tank had been drained and lay on the ground next to a pool of the thief's vomit. Also abandoned at the scene was a pile of pound coins which John believes may have been stolen from a vending machine earlier in the night.
John and May donated the abandoned pound coins to Oxfam.
John said: 'We hope this thief will give up robbing visitors and tourists seeking a peaceful and pleasant holiday after what happened to him.'
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm gross.
Açieeed! style by