a couple of jokes . . .

XoR · Post by **XoR** » Sat May 03, 2003 7:05 pm

What does a Texas hurricane and a Tennessee divorce have in common?

- someone's losing a trailer

A Dutchman, Frenchman and American are partying it up a little too much one night in Saudi Arabia and end up getting caught drinking and driving. All 3 travellers are sentenced to death.

The Sultan decides since he has done well in the stock market lately, and is in a good mood, that he will reduce the sentencec to life in prison.

On judgement day for our 3 travellers, the Sultan declares that since it is his wifes birthday, he will give them all 20 lashes by whip instead along with 1 request each.

The Dutchman says "I want a pillow tied to my back"

Well, the pillow only lasted 10 lashes, and broke apart, leaving the Dutchman in agaonizing pain. He whimpers away.

The Frenchman, after seeing this, says " I want 2 pillows tied to my back"

Unfortuneately for the Frenchman, the pillows only absorb 15 lashes, and 5 break through leaving our poor traveller wounded severely as well.

The Sultan seeing the American says "Since you come from a great country and have made me much money ... I give you 2 requests.

The American says "First, I want 100 lashes instead of 20"

The Sultan was impressed. "what bravery" ... "what is your second request, American?"

"My second request, please tie the Frenchman on my back"

DenKirson · Post by **DenKirson** » Sat May 03, 2003 8:07 pm

Yay.

Two men are hunting, and one falls down a steep stone cliff. Once the other climbs down, he finds that his friend is severely injured, his neck snapped and bones broken and sticking out everywhere. The hunter takes out his phone and calls the police.
"Help me, I think my friend is dead!"
"Calm down sir, paramedics are on the way. First, we need to find out if your friend is dead." the 911 receiver replies.

A moment of silence. Then a gunshot is heard over the phone line.

"Okay, now what?" The hunter asks.

TREV · Post by **TREV** » Sat May 03, 2003 8:43 pm

Everyone knows that one Den...it was announced as the worlds "Funniest Joke" on CNN like 6 months ago. LoL...not funny though... 0X

Grudge · Post by **Grudge** » Sun May 04, 2003 8:35 am

Here is the FUNNIEST joke of all time....(please do not throw rotten fruit or vegetables at the entertainers, thank you) hmhmmm..."Two cannibals were eating a clown. One cannibal says to the other 'Does this tase funny?' " (Information on this Web site may contain inaccuracies or errors. Information may be changed or updated without notice. Grudge Inc. has no obligation to update this site; therefore any information presented may be out of date.) my legal disclaimer

Grudge · Post by **Grudge** » Sun May 04, 2003 8:37 am

Remarks about spelling errors will be accepted by email only please thank you your welcome bye bye

Undead_Mercenary · Post by **Undead_Mercenary** » Wed May 07, 2003 4:15 pm

Ok ive got 1:

Theres this little guy sitting on a stool at a bar having a drink. Suddenly this big guy walks in and -WHACK!!- knocks the little guy off his stool. The little guy says GEEZ! and brushes himself off. The big guy says : "Thats a karate chop from Korea". So the little guy sits back on his stool, when -WHACK!- the big guy knocks him off again. The big guy says : "That was a judo chop from Japan". Having enough, the little guy gets back up and leaves the bar for about an hour. When he comes back, he walks up to the big guy and -BONG!!- knocks the big guy out cold. Then, he says to the bartender : "When he wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears".

XoR · Post by **XoR** » Wed May 07, 2003 5:40 pm

Yazule · Post by **Yazule** » Wed May 07, 2003 7:58 pm

alright alright.... I am an engineer, so here is an engineer joke..

Two engineering students are walking on campus one day and one says to the other, "you wont believe what happened to me yesterday".

The second student says "do tell"

"Well I was on campus yesterday and this beautiful woman rides up on a bike, jumps off, rips off her clothes and says TAKE ANYTHING YOU WANT"

"Well what did you do?" asks the second student.

"I took the bike" says the first

"Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".

Undead_Mercenary · Post by **Undead_Mercenary** » Mon May 12, 2003 7:13 am

Dont understand why that was an engineer joke, but i got a nice 1 from an email :

A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call
on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Canuck just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks . . . Like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy." Congratulations showered him from all around. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you?

Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks.
We were gonna call you . . . so how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled, and
concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born." The Canadian father takes a slow swig from his Molson beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

I AM CANADIAN

This_name_sucks · Post by **This_name_sucks** » Mon May 12, 2003 11:08 am

Well my mum is Canadian, so does that count? LOL!

Yazule · Post by **Yazule** » Mon May 12, 2003 6:14 pm

it was two engineering students... duh...

a beautiful girl walks up gets naked and says take what you want.... unless you are a geek you would take the girl *sigh* poor younguns. You would have taken the bike too? lol

DenKirson · Post by **DenKirson** » Tue May 13, 2003 12:34 am

Well, if what was stated in Revenge of the Nerds was false, the... wait, nerds. Difference. Nerds = Sex and intuition. Geeks = technicalities and reason.

The Nerds would go for the girl, the geeks would take the bike.

I'd take the bike. Hell, if some woman stripped nude in the middle of the street for me, I don't think I'd like to explore that venue. Might be a disease or two. Something like that, too much Bable by me.

Hmâ„¢, too many of my jokes are far too introvert-like, so no one else would "get" the massive amount of stupid I think is so funny. At most a few jokes I've heard from other sources is most I can do.

-----

A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all drinking in a bar.
After a while, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, threw it in the air and shot it into a thousand pieces. "Don't you boys worry about it," said the Texan, "we have plenty of tequila deep in the heart of Texas. "
The Californian, not wanting to be outdone, selected a bottle of fine wine, tossed it up, and shot it into smitherines. "Hey, don't sweat it dudes," chirped the Californian, "There's zillions of bottles of wine in Cali."
The Seattlite, following suit, guzzled down a bottle of micro-brewed beer, chucked it towards the rafters, shot the Californian, and caught the beer bottle. Everyone in the bar stood frozen in shock.
"Relax, kids," said the Seattlite cooly, "Up in Seattle, there's a freakin' shitload of Californians."

FatGayOrc · Post by **FatGayOrc** » Tue May 13, 2003 1:24 am

i would take the bike and go pick up 2-3 girls wif it.

why limit your girl-amount to just one???

XoR · Post by **XoR** » Tue May 13, 2003 1:40 am

better hope it's not a Huffy.

FGO pulls up on his newly acquired Huffy RoadBlaster with 2 Ace of spades flipping across the spokes and leopard skin bananna seat.

"Hey baby, need a ride?" as he proudly rings the handlebar bell *CHING CHING*

Undead_Mercenary · Post by **Undead_Mercenary** » Tue May 13, 2003 7:23 am

LMAO!